Heather Vickery's Website
In a compelling podcast episode featuring Heather Vickery, a transformational coach, the discussion explores themes of bravery, self-awareness, and intuition. Heather shares her personal journey, emphasizing the acceptance and embrace of fear as a natural part of growth. She introduces the BRAVE method, urging listeners to confront their fears and take deliberate steps forward. The conversation also underscores the importance of intuition, self-care, and forgiveness in the pursuit of personal development.
To learn more about Heather Vickery's work, visit her website: vickeryandco.com
Heather elaborates on her Create Brave manifestation cards, designed to aid individuals in their manifestation journeys through prompts for reflection and action. She references her bestselling book, "Fearless: Making the Brave Leap," which further explains the BRAVE method for readers seeking personal growth strategies. Additionally, Heather shares her practices for maintaining a positive mindset, such as somatic healing, gratitude exercises, and mindfulness techniques.
Throughout the episode, Heather's genuine passion shines as she offers actionable advice and motivates listeners to embrace their paths toward self-discovery and empowerment. Her relatable stories and insightful perspectives inspire listeners to take charge of their lives and pursue their aspirations with courage and intention.
Heather Vickery is a transformational coach who helps individuals break free from limiting beliefs and embrace their true potential. Through her coaching platform, The BRAVE Method™, and incorporating Human Design, NLP, and Positive Psychology, Heather has guided numerous clients to achieve their dreams and rediscover their authentic selves. She encourages everyone to stop playing small and start making the impact they are destined for.
#
Episode Transcript:
Heather Vickery
[00:00:00] I have an inspiring guest on today, Heather Vickery. She is a transformational coach. She's a podcaster. She has a YouTube channel and she helps people to be able to ignite their self awareness, self compassion, authentic expression, and to live the absolute life of their dreams. And you know, that's what we're all about here.
She has amazing tools and resources. She's created a manifestation card deck, manifestation journals, gratitude journals, she's written several books. And every time I've listened to her speak on her YouTube channel or on a [00:01:00] podcast, she's been just so inspiring. I think you guys are really going to love this episode.
If you are looking for a jolt of inspiration and she created her own method, we're going to talk about that called the brave method.
This episode is one that you don't want to miss out on. Heather is all about embracing fears, dismantling obstacles and transforming knowledge into intentional bravery. Because when we choose to be brave on purpose, we choose bigger, we win bigger and it's contagious. And that's what makes her an excellent coach and a resource because she is helping others to empower themselves to take the fear and the challenges head on and live their next level life.
So let's dive into the episode.
All right, Heather. I feel like we can dive into so many different places because you're such a wealth of inspiration and knowledge. And where I want to start is, , with kind of getting a little background and [00:02:00] understanding on your personal idea of what bravery is because you help transform other people's lives and for them to live bravely.
So I'd love to hear what the word brave means for you and how embodying bravery has personally changed your life. Yeah, thank you. Great question. I call bullshit on this whole notion of be fearless, babe, or we have to be fearless.
The reality is we have fear, and it's different for each and every one of us, and it's different for us inside of us. every single day. Sometimes hour to hour, the thing that we're afraid of changes. But fear is not inherently a bad thing. I mean, in some cases, it's going to straight up save your life, right?
Fear is just information. And so my approach instead of let's be fearless and pretend that that thing doesn't exist is let's be brave. Let's explore it. Let's get cozy with the things that frighten us. Ask honest [00:03:00] questions, spend time in contemplative reflection, and then take inspired, intentional action after that.
So, The fear doesn't necessarily go away, but we're like, okay, fine. You can go in my pocket and we're going to do this anyway. And let's just be really honest about it. And it's funny because I've been doing this for a long time. I've been talking about embracing bravery for years, for a decade. And this week in particular, and I'm not sure when this episode is going to air.
But what has been showing up for me that says Heather, pay attention to your fear, uh, is I absolutely hate being embarrassed. Now, I don't really know anybody who's like, Oh, that's so much fun. Let me be embarrassed. But I take it kind of to another level. I can't be teased. Like at all, I get, I get sick at my stomach.
Um, I don't want to be called out. It's not the same as getting constructive feedback. That's fine, but being made fun of, being [00:04:00] teased, being embarrassed, I just literally want to like be swallowed into the ground. And this week, There have been so many examples of absolutely being humiliated publicly through whether it was I screwed something up or it's just what happened and I'm like, okay, all right universe.
Like it's, it's as if they were like, let me just give you big neon flashing signs that this is something you need to address and talk about out loud. Because it is. It is. What does it actually mean? And we all do stupid shit all the time. And it doesn't, it doesn't erase your value or your worth. And sometimes it humanizes us in, in a way that we can't anticipate.
And so that's where my work is right now. So if you're out there and you're somebody who's like, I need needs to be perfect to be on social media or, you know, I can't leave my house unless everything is done up just right. I invite you to maybe explore that and play with it just a [00:05:00] little. Yeah, thanks for sharing that.
I mean, it's something that we're always going to have to deal with. Right. Yeah, we're always going to have continued work, but it gets easier, the more tools that we have and the more practice that we get. Um, and I'm totally with you there too with, with feeling embarrassed. Oh my God. Oh, it's awful. It's awful.
I did it. Y'all can go and see it because I didn't take it down in this exercise. I was doing just a random TikTok video. Somebody was, we were talking about times that the universe had our back and synchronicities, and I was sharing a couple of times in college that were very, like, I was like, oh, I am, I am being protected by something bigger than myself.
And I had, I don't know, I was late. I had confused the pause button with the go button. So none of the things that I, Thought I said got recorded, but instead it was the pauses, it was the looking down, it was the five chins, it was the talking to the dog. And somebody commented on it the next day, and I was like, oh my god, I can't [00:06:00] believe I put that.
But I was like, you know what? I'm gonna leave it up. Because blooper reels are fucking funny. Yeah. This could, leave it up. Yeah, it's hard. It is hard. It's that thing. Like you have such that visceral reaction at first, you know, but that's what we want to sit with and explore. Like, why is this affecting me so much?
And if you can reframe it. then you can laugh about it or see it in a different perspective eventually. Exactly. And that's just to the point of there is truly no failure. It's always feedback. The question is, are you open to receiving the feedback and what do you want to do with it? Uh, and you can apply that literally to anything and everything.
That's what the BRAVE method, which is my Particular method that I created. That's what that's all about is like, we need to be aware. We need to pay attention. Yeah, and then choose intentionally. Because once you know, once you're aware, you cannot ever unknow. [00:07:00] So you're either willfully ignorant, like I know this and I'm going to pretend that I don't, I'm going to put my head in the sand or You fucking do something about it.
Yeah. And I really appreciate that you're sharing the current struggles and the way that you're working through it and giving that personal example, because it's easy to just show up and talk about past success how I did amazing in this way and how you can do amazing in that way versus.
Really guiding yourself and guiding others of I'm still struggling with this thing. This is how I'm working through it right now. So that's an awesome example Thank you. Um Another thing that I thought was really cool. There's so many different things. I want to talk about but It's the one three profile line in human design.
I do So many different things. Yeah. I love it. I'm like, Oh my gosh, we can have all these mini conversations and all these different areas. It gets me super excited actually. And you just mentioned human design. So a question that I had, [00:08:00] because you know, a lot of the words that you're messaging that you use really resonates with me and my audience, because here we talk about self compassion and intuition and human design, all these different things.
So starting with intuition, that's one that I don't hear a lot of guests. Talk about, um, and it made me curious about your own journey with human design, because for myself, that's a huge part of my human design profile is intuition. And I just love to hear that are you, um, I'm a projector. I'm a two, four projector and something about my incarnation cross, I think is like, and like the main personality, whatever.
Yeah, that's where the sun, your incarnation cross is the sun and the earth in both your conscious design and your unconscious design. So what's your authority? Um, splenic. Okay. I'm a splenic also. I'm a 1 3 splenic projector. So we're very similar in that regard. Yeah. [00:09:00] Cool. That my best friend, she's,
she's self projected. My daughter is a self projected projector. I, I, it's interesting to navigate that. Sorry. You can ask your question. Sorry. I get so excited to geek about it. Yeah. So, I would just love to hear your perspective on intuition because I think that's something that's not talked about a lot.
In general, people aren't usually like follow your intuition. Thank you for asking because intuition is a huge part of my life and it's a huge part of my business is helping other people tap into and understand their own intuition. So I do now know it clearly and much more effectively through human design.
I have always been incredibly intuitive. I've always just known things and I didn't know why I knew them and that's a very projector trait in general. Like, I just know, but the spleen is the fear center, interestingly enough, and it's [00:10:00] directly my two channels. My intuition channel is directly from my spleen to my throat, so I'm literally here to talk about fear, which is.
Wild, because I've been doing that since a lot longer than I've known about human design. Um, this, the spleen is the oldest known anthropological safety mechanism. It is literally a life or death awareness. This is not safe. It's not safe for me, or maybe we see it for somebody else. And I've always had that, and I didn't know what to do with it.
Fortunately, I was raised with a mom who's super intuitive. So it was just kind of a, I didn't, I didn't resist it. I didn't push against it. What I've learned to do since I discovered human design is know what it physically feels like in my body. So it's more than just a like, I know this thing and I don't know why.
And okay, I guess I'm going to just follow that internal guide. Yeah, I can physically feel it and I have been able to tap in enough. [00:11:00] So, um, what my splenic authority feels like a is either like a pounding in my chest. We're not going to do that. That's not for us. But when it's a and usually people will tell you that the spleen is only a no.
Mm hmm. And I don't think that I agree with that because when I get a yes, like this is so fucking good, like this is so good for me or for somebody else, I get tingles that start at the top of my head and they wave all the way down my body and they just keep going. And I, I now know when those two feelings happen for me, that means something.
The other thing that will show up for me, um, is like a, a discomfort in the back of my neck. And that's a, something that you've, said yes to is not right for you. Um, and you know what? Now that I say this, now that I talk about it out loud, I have no authority. I've only, um, my only three defined centers are my Ajna, my throat, and my [00:12:00] spleen.
But that could be a projection from, from Ajna, interestingly enough, right? So something in your body is like, pay attention to me. Look at how this is going to play out. You need to change your mind. Um, so, and my own human design mentor, with the Splenic Authority in particular, I used to get so hung up on.
Splenic Authority is a big intuitive hit, and you need to pay attention. Because if you miss it, it goes away. It doesn't come back. And then you get into your mind and the whole goal with intuition is to make sure that you're getting your answers from your body and not from your mind. But what she said, I said, Oh my God, but what if I miss it?
And she said, what if you can't, if you miss it, it was a no. And if it's for you, it'll come back. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But the folks with, um, a defined sacral, I take them through this process of, you know, [00:13:00] Yes or no questions things that I know to be true things that I know excite them things that I know don't excite them And then we sit and get really quiet with where that physically shows up in their body and what that sensation is If you practice that muscle enough, you can absolutely Know beyond a shadow of a doubt Yes or no without having to think about it, and you can do that with all authorities, but they're all, it's all just a little different.
So self projected, they need to talk out loud. They don't need us to respond. They don't need us to give our opinion. They just, it needs to go out into the ether and come back in. And when it settles and they feel settled, that's a yes for them. So intuition is game changing. It's just game changing. Yeah.
Um, The part two about needing to connect with our body is so important and just something that I think so many of us are disconnected a lot of the patients I used to work with and myself having an eating disorder in the past [00:14:00] was just in that I hate my body. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to look at it.
I want to distract myself from it as much as possible. And you miss those signs, right? It's kind of like you learn how to ignore all those signals, the wisdom that your body has. Um, and I think just any, a lot of people to, um, my best friend as well would talk about just the trauma she dealt with and, um, And feeling disconnected from emotions specifically like I don't like feeling numb.
I don't know what I'm feeling, right? Yeah. So I think for a lot of people, they can hear this and really struggle with that of, well, I don't feel anything or I try to pause and listen to my body, but nothing really comes up. I think it's important to recognize that. All of these things are safety mechanisms, right?
Your mind and your body have shut those feelings down [00:15:00] because for some reason or another, at some point or another, that's what you needed to survive. What reassessment, reframing, and resilience, which was the three R's in my BRAVE method, tell us is we need to be aware enough to know when that doesn't serve us anymore.
So if you're consciously aware of the fact that you're numb and you feel nothing, and that that's not serving you any longer because you're maybe not in a state of Desperation or pan like it's, you know, sometimes we just shut it down just for basic survival, and I, two of my daughters have had eating disorders or still have eating disorders of some kind, and um, I get it.
Sometimes we gotta just shut everything down and just get through this moment. When you move beyond that, if you're doing constant reassessment and reframing, you go, okay, now I need to do this work. And, and it's scary. Talk about embracing your fear. Like, we don't want to, [00:16:00] because what if it's hard? What if it hurts?
What if I can't do it? What if I disappoint myself? What if I don't like what I find? All of those things are there. All of those possibilities are real. And also, there are a million other wonderful possibilities and you just have to decide do you want to stay in this stuck, painful, uncomfortable space where you're not growing and not succeeding in the ways that you want, or do you want something different?
And if you want something different, it's time to do something different. Yeah, and that can even be a part of a motivation for maybe some people is, you know, to change your life, transform. And maybe people are into human design and they're like, I want to, you know, I really want to take this experiment seriously, but I'm struggling to understand my, um, splenic authority.
How do I hear that? Right. Or, yeah. So. You already shared examples of how it shows up for you and for everyone, you know, they have different authorities, it might show up [00:17:00] differently, but that's a good place they can start is deciding they want to get reconnected with their body and they want to start that journey.
Yeah, and it's important to note that every single body will Have a different sensation and maybe even in a different location, even if you have the same authority as somebody else. So I've never met two generators or manifesting generators whose sacral sensations show up in exactly the same way in exactly the same part of their body.
So yeah, you got to find out for yourself. You got to do the work. And I mean, that's the core of my work at helping it's the, I call it mastering the trifecta of self. The gift of deeply and completely knowing, liking, and trusting yourself as this version of you today, which changes all the time. And so, it's that consistent, repetitive learning of yourself, accepting of yourself, forgiving of yourself, trusting yourself, and pushing yourself out there.[00:18:00]
It's not the kind of work that we just do and then we're done. Yeah. It's all the time work. Yeah. And forgiving yourself too. I think that was a big thing that I had to undergo really in 2020 and 2021, a whole process of, you know, forgiving myself, forgiving the past, forgiving mistakes, anything like that.
And I think a lot of people may be struggling with that forgiveness. Um, and it makes me think of a YouTube video that you had About picking up broken pieces, you shared a story about an eagle and like a helpful reframe of the idea of being broken. I thought it was such a powerful message. If there's any way you can kind of share what the message was.
So I can, that's an actually really an interesting story. Um, many years ago, I interviewed a man on my podcast, The Brave Files named Jim Rajan and Jim is a distance energy healer [00:19:00] and a really cool guy lives in Spain. And I had him, had him do several distance sessions for me. And the first one, uh, he's like, man, cause he taps into your energy and you know, look, you gotta.
You got to believe this stuff is possible to be, to be into it. But, um, I believe in science enough to know that anything is possible. So, um, he said, you gave me, and this is the language he uses because he's tapped into me, right? My energy, all of that. He said, you gave me this image of a big soaring eagle with its throat slit.
And I was like, what? And he goes, no, no, it wasn't scary. There was light coming through. That's where, that's where you, you shine through. Like, it's your, it's through your wounds. That the inside of you gets to come out, and I have chills just retelling it. [00:20:00] And so remembering that it's all here for us, that life is happening for us, not to us.
And we get to decide, the only thing we can control or change in any capacity is ourselves. How we react, how we decide to believe, what our actions are, that's it. And if we can surrender the rest, and then just. Be in control of what we can control and be thoughtful about it. You'll find so many lessons that will serve you and maybe other people around you.
When we change ourselves, the people around us change. Yeah. It's because science, because of nature, like when we shift the vibrational energy, it changes. There's a ripple effect in everything. Um, you know, I do a lot of work with, with folks on self care and self compassion and self improvement. And no, we're not talking about, you know, pedicures and bubble baths and I'm a big fan.
I love pedicures and bubble baths, but it's so much more [00:21:00] than that. It's, it's actually giving yourself the gift of a few minutes a day for reflection or creating community outside of your, your family or give it, allowing yourself to read or take a walk or do somatic healing, which I'm, I'm enjoying right now.
Joining the Spark Collective, which is my membership, which allows you to just give yourself a few minutes a day, a couple of times a week. It looks very different. And I think that practicing self care is the most unselfish thing anyone can do. Because we cannot. We cannot be the support system, the guide, the person that cares for other people, whether it's in your community, or your clients, or your team members, or your kids, or your partner, or whatever.
We cannot be there for them if we have fallen apart. If we are broken, we, it has to start inside each and every one of [00:22:00] us. A hundred percent. Yeah. If you even have those feelings or thoughts, if you're feeling broken or if you're feeling depleted, um, you just have to, you have to make that time for yourself.
You have to start that practice of. Awareness and compassion and you know when but it's easier said than done because when you're in that mindset it's like the last thing that you're thinking about doing for yourself. Absolutely and that's why I just keep talking. I just keep doing this stuff out loud and showing my own vulnerabilities and my own mistakes and learning opportunities out loud and sharing what I know and I only know what I know because I've done it.
I've experienced all of it And because I'm here to share that with other people, I've helped other people experience it, but there's nothing like literally nothing that I teach or sell or support or share that I have not [00:23:00] 100 percent experienced on my own. Yeah. And I love how you said, you know, when we do that work for ourselves or we shift and change ourselves, how it does affect the people around us.
And it's so So, so true. We can see it like with the study of psychology and family systems and just see, like we fall into these roles. We fall into these patterns and behaviors, right? We're trudging along and maybe we're bogged down by beliefs about ourselves and
we're disconnected from our own emotions, whatever's going on. But when we can shift and change and we can process and cope through that, then we change that dynamic with other people as well. We show up differently to our relationships. And then in turn, like they can receive us in a different way and it's, it's awesome.
Um, but you know, for the people who just feel like They're broken beyond repair or that's just who they are. Other people can [00:24:00] make that change, but they can't. I think it's really powerful how you share. No, you know, we, we all can, you continue to struggle. I continue to struggle. I talk about it all the time on podcasts too, of like, I still have all these doubts and all these things too, but, and they pop up randomly.
So random. So unexpected. Yeah. Um, to those people that feel beyond. Fixing and I want to say very clearly, you do not need to be fixed. You are not broken. What you might want to do is actually know yourself truly and deeply and that work. is profound in human design. It's why I do readings because, you know, when you know yourself truly, then you work with what you've got.
But for those people who feel that way, just do something tiny. Just do one little thing. Listen to yourself in one particular way. Become [00:25:00] aware of one little thing that you want to shift. This does not have to be big action. In fact, I'm a big fan of what I call just small inspired baby steps. Like just one little thing at a time.
That's how we do big things. We don't do big things by like, you know, we don't just decide one day to have, you know, to feel great and have this great business and lots of money. Like it's a lot of small steps that create whatever you want to be successful at. Yeah, and it even can be a form of self sabotage.
It was for me to try to think too big or do too much because it's not possible. Then in there, you can't snap your fingers and do all this stuff. It really does take baby steps over time. But when you think like, I'm going to go after all this stuff and you don't do it, then you're like, Oh, boohoo. I'm a failure.
I'm going to stop now. So, um, I love that really reminding people it's baby steps and. You created manifestation cards, which I think is so cool because, um, me and , co [00:26:00] founder, my best friend, we have, , a deck of cards, 77 affirmations for self love and body image called the body deck. I think card decks are super transformational and powerful tools.
I'd love to hear just a little bit about that. Oh my gosh, the create brave cards. They're probably my favorite. thing that I've ever created and I collaborated with those on those with my friend Rachel Swanson. So she's the creativity coach and I'm the brave method coach. So that's why we get create brave.
Um, but yeah, they're manifestation cards. They're really just here to help you guide and source your next step because we have to remember that manifestation isn't like Deciding you want something and then it magically appears. Manifestation is declaring you want something and then shifting the way you show up in the world so you can achieve it.
So with the Create Brave deck, it's designed for you to pull a card whether, you know, some people will pull it every day and go, Oh, I got the card play. Okay, let me be [00:27:00] creative and how I can infuse play into my day. Um, or some people pull one a week or just whenever you're in the mood. I do a live show every Thursday and I always pull a create brave, which is reminding me that I didn't pull a create brave card yesterday's live show.
Sometimes I forget I say every and then sometimes I don't. So see all human, but I usually pull one and I'm like, this is for the week and I will tell you, this is crazy. Every single time I pull one. It will perfectly relate to what the topic was for that day's live show. Yeah. And I'm like, how, how does that happen?
So they're fun and they're really beautiful. Rachel did the artwork. We put a lot of time and heart into a guidebook that has, um, Like a, you know, a description and a, and then also a create brave prompt to think you could go out and do so it's kind of like having two coaches in your pocket and a little workbook on the go and they're just really, really yummy.
I definitely need to get that. I have my card decks and I like doing an email pulling some different [00:28:00] cards and then, you know, once in a while I'll pull our card that card deck that we have. But that sounds amazing. I'm definitely getting my hands on that. Um, So that's really cool. Thanks for sharing. And at the end of the episode two, we'll have all the links and everything.
Cause if you guys want to get that card deck, that sounds awesome. You've written some books, some other journals, how about that stuff? Yeah, all the good stuff. So my bestselling book is called book fearless, making the brave leap, and it breaks down the brave method.
through, um, personal memoir style stories and case studies with either clients I've worked with or people I've interviewed on my podcast. And then there is a brave action step. So a tip, almost workbook like that you can go forward and create for yourself. So I always encourage people to read it through like a, like a regular book at first.
And then the way that, um, I, I love to use it is to sort of flip [00:29:00] through and say, what's, what's today's message almost like an oracle. Yeah. Uh, so that's really fun. And I just made it really fun and easy to access and personable. So there's that. And then I have two gratitude journals out. One is called shift your focus and it's specifically for adults and the other is called grow grateful.
It's for kids and families and what makes them unique. Is that a, I go through the science behind gratitude, which is really cool and how I came to gratitude, how it's changed my life and share some personal stories there. And then there are 180 prompts, daily prompts, and some of them are repetitive and then there's a unique one on every page that helps you connect with gratitude in a way that you wouldn't normally think of it.
And then I intersperse quotes. So in the adult one, it's, um, Thought leaders and entrepreneurs quotes from them. And then the kids and family journal, the quotes are from kids ages one to 18. And it's just, it's just, they're really fun and they help [00:30:00] have conversation and open you up and help you think of things in creative ways.
And then the last thing is I have three different manifestation journals out. One of them has curse words inside because I love curse words, but they're just literally five minutes. Just spend you might not even need that long. Just spend a few minutes every day giving voice to what's in your mind and on your heart, what you need to let go of, what you need to release, what you want to call in, what you're grateful for, all of that.
And those are. The only thing I say, go to Amazon, everything else you can buy from me and I'll sign it and I'll send you a little love note. But the journals are, are so cheap. They're like 7 and it's more expensive for me to have them in house and ship it than for you to go and get it directly from Amazon.
Okay. Awesome. Yeah. These type of resources are so helpful. I'm always advocating for people to find the, like you said, like a self care practice and to find those tools [00:31:00] that work for them. Especially if you keep telling yourself, like, I should have a gratitude practice, and it can be so helpful to have that prompt in front of you that helps guide you with that.
So I love that you have those resources and those prompts that people can use definitely makes a big difference. You know, part of this conversation, you also mentioned How, , community, you know, as part of taking care of ourselves, but we're not taking care of ourselves. We can't show up for our community.
I would love to talk about community a little bit. That's been on my mind, um, a lot as well because you know, we're more isolated than ever. And I think a lot of us have forgotten how to be in community anymore with social media, ? We're, we're having way less face to face because of, you know, the pandemic and social media and all these things and community is so important.
So I would love to hear some just like ideas and how to connect with community. So [00:32:00] community is important. And this is from somebody who loves, I love my alone time so, so, so much. And if I had my druthers, I would just be alone in a bathtub with a book all the time and never have to see another human being.
Uh, but eventually I'm like, nah, I need, I need the people. But what's important is being around. The right community, the community of people where you feel inspired and safe and connected the ones who cheer you on endlessly and also call you on your bullshit. And so this is something that I'm very active and intentional about creating and I do that in two very specific ways.
One is, as I mentioned, the Spark Collective, which is a community membership that's housed in the Telegram app, which is free. And, and that one I made for both sides of, of me. The side who I want to get in, I want to do my thing, I don't want to have to talk to anybody. And also the side who says, well, maybe I do want to talk to somebody.
Because you can do either of those things really easily. Um, so, but knowing I [00:33:00] have a place to go. Where there are going to be other people who will light me up or listen to me or be part of my journey should I choose it is there. And then the other thing that I do is retreats and their journey to self retreats and their joy for the sake of joy retreats.
Um, we have one, it sounds so far away, but time flies January 2026 in Costa Rica, which is going to be just, I don't know. literally transformative, game changing. It is all about spending good quality time with yourself and in community with other people who want to do the same thing so that we're raising that energy vibration and just loving the hell out of ourselves.
So yeah, you can do one of those things. Please do. I would love to see you there, but also just be really conscious of Who you're spending your time with, how you're spending your time, does it feel good, do you feel safe, you know, there really is no such thing as a safe space, there are only safe people, it's the people who make the space safe.
So, [00:34:00] who's around you, and is that what you want it to be? Uh, but creating community is, is really important to me, and not, you know, not everybody is, you know, is excellent at it and not to sound like, oh, I'm so good at this and, but I'm all for a humble brag. We should totally brag more often in general. Um, the people who, who are attracted to my vibration and my energy and who like what I have to say, they're all really fucking cool people.
And so you just get more of that. When you're in community with me. Yeah, I think it's so important to have the different types of community too. But like you said, the thing that matters the most is the type of people who are there. If you don't feel. Like the person is safe or they keep crossing your boundaries, you know, then we got to listen to those signs that our body and our intuition is giving us.
That's right. That's right. And that's why the gift of knowing your intuition and what it feels like [00:35:00] inside of your body is important. Um, and it's usually right. So yeah, practice that skill. Yeah. You're feeling really anxious and like you're. Chest is tight when you're around people. That could be a sign.
Um, Just thinking, I'm just, you know, having personal thoughts over here. Yeah. I feel around some people. Um, Yeah, yeah. We do. And that's hard too, right? Is, Is it's tricky to let go of people and situations that no longer serve us because, uh, sometimes even things that are painful are comfortable and we don't want to shake things up or we don't want to hurt somebody else's feelings.
And um, you know, there are ways to do that and be kind. You don't have to just be a jerk about it, but also boundaries are really important and you know, boundaries. Boundaries are about you. They're not about anyone else. [00:36:00] So, uh, what do we mean when we say somebody's breaking our boundaries? Does it mean you're allowing them to break your boundaries?
So, I'll give you an example. I do coach on call work with, with clients. That's how I do my one on one stuff. We get one or two long calls a month and then we chat back and forth on the Telegram app. They do a reflective form every Friday. I respond like that's how we do that. I don't check Telegram all day long.
I don't check it at night. I don't check it on the weekends. On the rare occasion that I do, my clients are very, they very clearly know that that's unusual and that they shouldn't expect that from me. That doesn't mean that they can't reach out to me whenever they want. They're not breaking my boundary by reaching out on their own free time.
So boundaries, you get to decide what defines acceptable behavior for you, and you clearly communicate that. And then how other people behave is none of your business. It [00:37:00] doesn't matter because you've set that boundary and you can say, I'm not going to respond. And I also don't care that that's what they want to do.
Yeah. And we have to learn how to set those boundaries, have that conversation or let people know when something's uncomfortable because a lot of us are conditioned to be people pleasers and to not do that, to just accept anything and everything that people do and say. And I think it's important for us to be.
more empathetic and accepting and understand like, Oh, people are different. Like we need to be differentiated, but we also have to learn the difference of if someone is doing something that is causing us harm over and over and over again, and we're not telling them or we keep putting ourselves in that situation.
Yeah. You know, that's all. It is on us. So much of my work centers around taking radical responsibility for everything that happens. It doesn't mean that people don't do shitty things. They're going to do shitty things because that's just [00:38:00] what happens, but what can you control as yourself? What, what can you do differently?
You can say no, you could say yes, like there are lots of things and radical responsibility 100 percent changes the game. Yeah, and some people are really good at this and and setting their boundaries and being direct and but maybe they struggle with the Aspect of finding their community or getting more plugged in asking for help being vulnerable Like making those connections.
So what could you say to that? Yeah, I mean until you decide to be really honest with yourself and list out maybe what feels icky, what is painful, what's not working, you won't really know what you need to seek to solve that problem. And I think a lot of people go, Oh, so many people want this, or I need more business strategy, or I need, Somebody to handle my social [00:39:00] media or I, I just need to sleep more, whatever it is.
And we just go because that's what we see other people doing. And we think that'll solve my problems. And if you aren't introspective and looking at what you need specifically and understanding yourself, you're just not. You know, you're just wasting everybody's time and energy and certainly probably a lot of money.
So, sit with yourself and be honest about what it is that you're missing. And if you do need some support on that, there are people like me who can help you do that. Mm hmm. If you need it. Um, otherwise, you know. Just get really honest and then figure out, okay, well, this is the thing. This is the direction I want to go.
I'm lacking community. I'm lonely. Those things are hard to do on your own. So, you know, I have coaches, I have guides, I have mentors. Um, and then maybe sometimes it's friends, but it's got to be people you trust and probably not people that you're super, super close to because then the water gets really muddied.
So if you [00:40:00] need to bounce that off of somebody, you might not want to pick a partner or a best friend. That's just my opinion. Yeah, . It's like helpful, like you said, if it comes from within and it's more like self led, but a lot of people don't even know how to do that.
Right. They don't know how to start. Yeah. And that's the core of a lot of the work I do is unraveling that part and figuring that out. And I do also, um, I'm certified in NLP and subconscious reprogramming. So sometimes, you know, mindset is amazing. Mindset is great. We need mindset as a foundation for everything we're doing.
But if we could just think our way into. Whatever, making a lot of money, being super successful, loving our body, whatever it is, we would have done it by now. So subconscious reprogramming literally re patterns what is going on in your brain so that something different becomes true and believing in possibilities.
So we do a lot of that. Um, and I love the subconscious reprogramming. It's really game [00:41:00] changing. Yeah. I've had a few sessions in the past and it, it definitely like changed. the way I see a lot of things. So maybe some people who are listening feel like they've kind of done that introspective work. They are looking for more accountability and community and everything. And there was a really cool story too about your podcast.
You also are a podcast host, and we haven't even talked about that yet. So, um, And I heard that it started to with this with an idea of connecting with community . Can you share a little bit about your podcast and, how community played a role in that? . Yeah. So I actually have two podcasts.
My solo podcast is taking a very long nap right now, but I've had it for about seven years called the brave files. And that particular show came about, [00:42:00] um, I knew I wanted a podcast. I didn't know what I wanted it to be about. One night I was making dinner and I was like, Oh, I could tell people, tell stories of people, interview people who have everyday bravery, who show up for themselves in really unexpected, interesting ways and redefine bravery on their own terms.
So that's where the Brave Files came about. And I actually just went. That literally, I put down the knife, I was making dinner. I went, I bought the domain, I put together a Google form and I went on Facebook and I said uh, I'm starting a podcast, do you want to be a guest? And then I'm like, oh god, I don't know how to do a podcast.
So I set my date for six weeks out, which is really unusual. I'm not a guest. I'm usually a little more loosey goosey, but I was like six weeks out and then I hired a podcast coach and, and then there it was and it's a beautiful show and it has over 250 episodes and I love it. My second show, which is still active, we're recording consistently all the time, is Was It Chance?
and I co host this with my friend Alan [00:43:00] Seals and, um, this might be the one you're, you're talking about, I'm not exactly sure, but I love the podcasting community. We are a really cool group of people. It's very diverse and it's, everyone wants to help each other. Like, nobody's like, don't listen to that show, listen to my show.
Like, everybody's just so welcoming and loving. And so, several years ago, I was at Podcast Movement, I was rooming with my friend Mary who used to be part of the Latter day Lesbian podcast and Mary talks to everybody and I'm like over here like I don't want to talk to everybody. Um, which is funny because I'm, I'm really skilled at it and I can go on stage and I can be on camera and it's no problem but in a crowd where I don't know people I'm like I'm just going to wait for somebody to find me which is very unusual.
And Mary was sitting down with this guy and I sit down and she's like, Oh, this is Alan from the Broadway podcast network and the theater podcast. And we had like four minutes worth of conversation and I looked at him and he looked at me and I was like, so we're like best friends for life, right? Like that's just a thing that just happened.
He's like, yep, [00:44:00] absolutely. That's the thing that happened. And then we didn't leave each other's side. He's married to a woman. They have two kids. They're happy. I'm partnered, longtime partnered to a woman. I'm very happy. Like it was just like platonic. Such squishy love and we were attached at the hip and I said, I kind of want to start this podcast about embracing Risk and like manifestation and he's like, yeah, let's let's do it.
Like what you want to start a podcast with me Yeah, so we did and we have such a great time and it's funny because or interesting In the last five or six months, I've gotten really gutsy and started building relationships on social media with authors that I super love and respect and admire their work.
And that's one, they don't all do it, but many authors will engage with you. And so we now we've had so many TV and movie stars and now authors and all [00:45:00] sorts of other creative successfuls. That have taken intentional risk for creative success and it's I'm like putting it out there like let's just see what happens what's the worst thing that can happen so many people are saying yes and we are just having these really cool conversations and it's just like one of my favorite things ever that I do so all about manifestation but creativity and just cool conversations with really really cool people I would love for you to all go and listen to was a chance.
Yes, and that's why I brought it up because I wanted you to share about the podcast that you have both of them and that was the story I was thinking of because, um, I remember you talking about meeting Alan and why I think that's so cool and I love that is because it gives people. An idea of how they can find their people, find the people that make them feel safe.
Yeah. Find their best friends. It sounds like he became an instant best friend for you. Is my buddy. And you [00:46:00] know, the shared interest of what you guys love to do. You both have a heart for podcasting and connected on that. And now you're doing a podcast together. And I have some stories like that too, with some of my friends and When he mentioned reaching out to some of, um, like people you admire, right?
Like, Ooh, that author, that's my favorite author. I tried that recently. Um, it wasn't like someone that I've been following for many years, but. I was following different, graphic design communities on Reddit and there was someone that had this style that I absolutely love.
I'm like, that's my dream style because I'm getting into more art and graphic design and everything. And I'm like, that's where I want to be. Of everything I've seen, like that's the coolest style. I love that and just reached out and we're like best friends. Now we talk all the time. Like what's yeah. And it's gotta be from my experience.
It can't just be a cold pitch. Um, I mean, you can, you can cold pitch and that could work out, but I [00:47:00] try to build a little rapport. Like I genuinely have interest. I care about their things. I respond and engage to what they're posting. And you can always tell the people who are, are. willing to be open minded, they will engage back.
So right now, again, I don't know when this is going to air, we have an interview live with Alison Cochran. Alison writes queer romance that is so good and so fun and her characters are quirky and wonderful and she's just a brilliant, brilliant writer and when her books are over, I have a hard time starting a new one because I'm not ready to detach from these worlds.
And so we had Allison on and she's got a new book that just came out this week called Here We Go Again. They sent me an ARC and I was like, I feel like I bought my life again. It was like amazing. And she was so sweet. We were messaging back and forth yesterday. I was like, I kind of want to send my ARC to you to sign it because I feel really sad that everybody's got these personalized books from you now and mine's not signed because her.
Press agent sent it. [00:48:00] She's like, yeah, send it to me. I'll sign it for you. If I wanted to buy the book in the first place, but it would be so cool. So, you know, just build relationships with people. You never know. Yeah. I love that. I love, um, those type of books too. I'm, I know how you feel when they end too.
Cause I'm like just sitting there like, Oh, I want to start the next one, but I don't. Yeah. I have a few right now. I don't know. What do you like to read? I love to read, so I enjoy reading. Well, what's funny is that I love like dark like Chuck Palahniuk stuff most of my life and then I've just been in like self development hell for years and just reading that.
I stay balanced and I do that, but I also read for fun. I do both at the same time. I'm starting to read for fun again now. So now recently it's been some more like fan books. I tried reading some other like bestseller fiction and I just wasn't getting into it. But I've just been finding like random, I guess almost like mangas and stuff [00:49:00] too, which I wasn't ever really into, but yeah, they'll, they'll have some interesting, like a lot of like queer love stories and things too that I actually am into in different stories like that.
Um, are you familiar with Vanessa Kelly? No. Okay. So Vanessa Kelly is an artist. She's amazing. She got famous by being a fan artist and she started her, what really kicked it off for her was doing fan art for Red, White and Royal Blue and then for TJ Klune's books and for Alexis Hall's books and just, just love her stuff, but she's got a couple of her own projects coming out.
We interviewed. Vanessa on the podcast a couple months ago. It's worth listening to. I'm sure I'll like it. But I think that'll check your box that you, that you just shared. And, um, TJ Klune's stuff. Are you familiar with TJ Klune's book? No, no, no. Um, you might like those also. I adore TJ Klune. Let's see.
They're over there. Under the Whispering Door is one of the, my all time favorite books. So it's, um, [00:50:00] magical realism, uh, Little under plot queer story, but that's not, but it's just, ah, it's so good. It's so good. It's, uh, he didn't start to live until he died. And the story is he opens with him at his own funeral and the Graham Reaper is coming to collect him and she's late.
To pick him up and it's just so good. It's just I'm sure I mean, I yeah, I trust I feel like i'm gonna like your recommendations and I need Story graph, you can see all the things i'm reading all the time. What on what? Story graph, I try not to amazon book stuff at all. I don't use audible. I don't use goodreads I don't buy my books on amazon And i'm a big fan of the library, by the way.
I love my library card. It's my like here's your plug Get your library card. I couldn't read 125 books a year if I had to pay for all of them. So, um, I love my library card. But, um, the story graph is a competitor Goodreads. It is Black woman founded. [00:51:00] She's amazing. Uh, I think we're going to have her on Was It Chance as well.
And it's beautiful. And so I'm, um, I think I'm just Heather Vickery on there. I don't know. You guys can find it. Message me, send me an email, send me a message somewhere and I'll send you my story graph link because it's open and I love to connect with people there. Book recommendations too. I love it. All right.
To wrap up, is there anything else that, um, you wanted to share that you think would be helpful for listeners? Well, I just want to say, um, look, I believe in you. I don't even know you and I know you're worth believing in. So find a little spark for yourself. Seek out places that light you up. Experience joy for the sake of joy, and if there's something I can do to help you on that journey, please reach out.
I would love to do that. I host a free Manifestation Power Hour the first Friday of every month. I do a live show that's free every Thursday at 11 a. m. [00:52:00] Central, and then we have all these other beautiful ways for you to love yourself and create community, and it would be really cool to see you there. Yes, I love that.
Um, I already said this when I introduced the podcast, but I'll say it again. I really, really love your content, the YouTube channel and the podcast. I think, you know, even that image of the eagle with the light coming out of the throat, like you do have a powerful throat, you know, you're really good at speaking and speaking.
So I think that's awesome. Um, everyone should go check that out and get some inspiration on your. Fridays and the Thursday you do the card pulls on Thursdays. That would be really cool too. Um, all right. So last question is how do you stay high vibe? What are like some personal practices, routines, whatever.
Uh, so I am not, I don't love routine, but I love having a magic [00:53:00] toolbox of routines to pull from. So every morning I'm like, Hmm, what do I want to do? What's going to serve me today? Some things though that I, that I have been doing every day consistently is somatic healing. And I have a resources page on my website.
If you're curious to know who I like. You can go and find it there. Um, that feels like I don't work out. I don't know if those of you don't, don't at me, don't judge me. I don't, I don't work out, but somatic exercises feel like a weighted blanket for my body, like my brain. So it's just a few minutes a day.
That's really great. Um, I have incorporated a gratitude practice. into my motion all day long. Uh, when I find myself stressed or frustrated, I will take a breath and list five things I'm grateful for that I can see around me. Uh, subliminal hypnosis is something that I love listening to. Again, that's on my resources page, who I, who I love to use for [00:54:00] that.
And, um, I'll just have those on in the background. And then I've said this probably three or four times in the course of the last hour, But I allow myself to prioritize joy for the sake of joy, and I don't care if other people don't like what brings me joy. If I want to watch Red, White, and Royal Blue for the 31st time, I will absolutely do that, and you can go fuck yourself if you don't like it.
Yeah. If I'm going to read, you know, like today, It's a really busy day. I have a lot of calls, but I have like 15 or 20 minutes in between things. And I'm trying to finish a book that I'm enjoying. I have 60 pages left and I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to stress. I'm not going to check my email. I'm not going to go on social media.
I'm going to read in between my meetings and finish my book because I want to. Yeah. So yeah. Awesome. Those are, those are my go tos. I love it. Great. And even the somatic practices is new to me because I, it's a word thrown around a lot, but. It's another thing I'm [00:55:00] learning. I want to go check out your resources on your website and and check that out.
So one more time. Can you tell everyone your website and thank you so much for just being on today and sharing with us. Yeah, absolutely. It's vickoryandco. com. If you go there, you can find everything else, all of my socials, all of the stuff. Sign up, come hang out with us. Um, this has been a lot of fun.
Thank you so, so, so much for having me. Yes. Thank you so much, Heather.
Comments